It’s a new day and I’m fairly confident that today someone will ask me how I’m doing. After the events of this past year, I’m also fairly confident the question is sincere and not merely a casual greeting. It’s nice to have people care.
Here’s my response, I’m doing well.
I’m doing my best to continue in a day by day approach to life that became so vivid through treatment. It’s a good approach.
I’m doing my best (usually) to pace myself and allow myself to regain strength and stamina.
I’m doing my best to process what has happened in my life, my body, my family and so on. I’m certainly still processing. As I enter into this post treatment phase there is still much I’m learning. Scans, lab work, screenings, and doctor visits will be a regular part of the next several years. I had no idea how this would play out and there are still unknowns. Each of those events will cause a sense of reflection and questioning. It’s part of the processing.
This is probably not Processing, Part One…it is probably several stages past part one. However, it’s the first writing that has been dubbed as such. 🙂
I know NOTHING about computer processors and programming, but I’m pretty sure this whole twist in life has rewired me and my processor. In my heart I hope it has been for the better and as I go about “doing my best” I hope that my focus is more on BEING than DOING.
There is much I want to accomplish — much to be done — but I certainly want to be present in those moments. I want to be in those moments with the people around me, with the surroundings, sights, sounds and all that is involved. This sounds rather ethereal or intangible, but I don’t think it is.
I still want to soak in life and I realize that some times that doesn’t happen, but I’m still going to try. I like the ordinary days more than ever. I like familiar moments and can’t wait for new moments. In those moments, whether I’m in a processing mode or not, I want to BE.
I want to be mindful, thoughtful, present, hopeful and aware. I want to be a person who listens and finds a connection with others.
I like the question “how are you doing?” and as I’m doing well, I’m working on being who I’m supposed to be as I’m doing life.