Today I find myself looking back in order to move forward. I needed a reminder of lessons learned and perspectives gained. I spent a small portion of time reading through many of my musings from this past year in an effort to settle my heart a bit.
Dealing with disappointment is never easy. What a silly statement, as it is certainly nothing deep or enlightening. Yet, it is truth and I needed to refocus as a result of disappointment.
This past year, and much of my writing have circled around cancer and my thoughts and efforts to sort out those thoughts. So I’m reviewing in order to keep my focus.
One benefit of writing is the ability to draw from past moments. The writing gives me a glimpse into the clarity or confusion that I was facing in that moment. I have written that I don’t want to lose a sense of what I have felt or learned in recent months. That is true. I don’t want to go back to many of those feeling, especially the physical feelings, but I want to remember what was learned in those moments.
- There is beauty in simplicity
- I want to be an extension of that beauty
- I want to continue in simplicity and not complicate life, living, relationships
- There is an importance in catching a full breath
- I don’t want to miss life
- perspective is powerful
- The Quiet is still essential
- I want to continue to listen to what I know to be true
- I want to remember what I have discovered about myself and what is of value to me
- So there are things that are of great value
- I want to continue in the effort to number my days so that I want gain a heart of wisdom
- Seeking a FUL life is a daily thing
- forgetful (this is so appropriate with disappointment)
My focus is a choice. I’m still working through the disappointment. There is hurt attached and that doesn’t just disappear for me. But it is okay. It is really not so big and nothing for my nursing friends to worry about — it has NOTHING to do with my health. 🙂
I see progress in my life. That’s pretty exciting. I have seen growth in a peacefulness that is welcome. I don’t want to take multiple steps backward so I am reflecting on past lessons in order to move forward in a positive motion. I won’t stay in the past. I won’t even stay in the past of yesterday’s disappointment. The sting will surface on occasion. I am aware of that. But, there is much ahead.I’m still settling on HOPE and will be present in the new year. And the blessing that I ask is still to be brave, and strong and true.