I’ve never thought about the why, but for some reason, a long time ago…in this very galaxy…I chose 21 to be my favorite number. I was born on the 22nd of the month, so it wasn’t that. I chose it long before I became a Cubs fan, so it was a coincidence that Sammy wore 21 on his jersey. I will admit, that I’m not sad that Tim Duncan and Roberto Clemente wore 21 as well. Two fine guys who wore my number.
Anyway, it’s been my favorite number.
- a cardinal number, factorization of 3 x 7, divisors of 1, 3, 7, 21
- its the 21st century
- the 21st amendment repealed prohibition
- 21 gun salutes are impressive
- legal drinking age in the US
- highest point total in BlackJack
- einundzwanzig 🙂
I’m not into numerology, so I’m not going that route. It’s a number and for some reason favorite numbers are a thing.
Today, a memory popped up by way of the Timehop app that has me thinking of 21. The photo was from two years ago. (It would have been cool if it was from 21 months ago…oh well.)
Twenty-one days until the end of treatment. At this time, I felt I could finally start counting down and looking ahead. Moment by moment living and fighting was still in play, but I chose to step out of that lens to look ahead.
I look at this photo and see tired eyes full of hope. I see a whole bunch of emotions, memories, cape wearing friends, care-givers, and I see hope! I see so much!
Recent days have sent me back to many memories. Test, scans and consultations have at times caused me to replay moments. These moments are often the hard ones. The moments after treatment four and eight, when I didn’t know if would endure any more. I will spare you the other hard moments. I don’t dwell on them long when they surface, but they are still real.
The tests, scans and consults in recent weeks leave me in a positive place today, at this moment. They are part of my process still, and probably will be for a long time. It can still be tough gearing up for those tests, scans and consults. Cancer has left and yet never leaves. There are so many contradictions with Cancer. It’s part of why it stinks!
Today, I feel the need to document and share what I’m sorting through.
if you remember, writing is one of my go-to’s for sorting through life
So, here is my 21 for today, all related to the picture that popped up as a memory.
Twenty-one things all connected to my story, my words, my life, my cancer, my hope:
- I’m stronger than I knew
- My story has value
- Capes still help
- While I’m wandering, I’m not lost
- The explorer side of me is not a bad thing, just because it is not the norm
- I’ve never been a fan of the norm
- Faithful friends defy words
- Moment by moment living did not and should not end after treatment
- There’s much to celebrate in life
- Ordinary and Extraordinary are linked
- Smiling is a good thing, sometimes a hard thing, but a good thing
- My tribe is fierce — I love you all
- Humor is powerful
- Trivial truly means of little value or importance and so many things are trivial and not worth so much energy
- Looking back (quickly) can help propel me forward
- Cancer still sucks
- I’m appreciative when people acknowledge that cancer sucks
- I still have goals and dreams
- Goals and dreams are good things
- People who ask, listen and care are so important…then and now!
- I am a survivor
The crazy thing about writing this list, is that I didn’t want to stop at twenty-one.
…maybe I need a larger favorite number?….
Thankfully, I have been allowed to continue to write my story, so the list does continue beyond twenty-one.